Pejamkan mata

Terkadang di saat sukar

Saat ini terasa dunia teramat ngeri untuk dilihat

Aku memejamkan mata, 

Sengaja, kerna buat sementara

Mahu ku larikan diri ini,

Dari konfrontasi dunia nyata

Namun di saat ku pejamkan mata

Bukanlah bererti diri ini lemah tiada maya

Dan bukanlah kerana kakunya jiwa

Cuma aku mencuba membangunkan minda

Yang terkadang lelap dalam fana

Di mana, harus ku cari kekuatan 

Menebarkan sayap semangat diri

Agar tiada mata terpejam

Terlalu lama, sehingga aku alpa

Realiti tiada mudah disangka

Diri ini

Memejamkan mata lagi

Kerana terkadang aku takut 

Hakikat jiwa manusiawi

Terkadang mereka, aku dan dia,

Tiada mampu untuk membeza

Yang mana duka, yang mana dusta

Dan terkadang mata terpejam tanpa sengaja

Kerana diri ini

Sukar teramat, menghilangkan makna

Trauma pada jiwa

Ya, aku jiwa yang mudah trauma

Dan tidak mudah lupa

Namun diri ini tetap tiada akan putus asa

Berjuang membebaskan sayap 

Dari kisah lama, yang membebani cuma

Dan 

Mata yang terkadang ku pejamkan

Bukan kerana kelemahan,

Tetapi kerana menggenggam kekuatan

Membunga harapan

Craved for

We craved for knowledge 

Yet we often abandon the ones we already learned

We craved for creativity

Yet we stumbled upon between desires and selfishness

We often do not know

What should we aim for

What should be the purpose

Cause the world is deceiving us

Often, too often

We craved for the wrong things

Struggled for the wrong reasons

Wishing for the wrong persons

But lost not

Give up not

It is not too late

To change what we craved for

To add what we are lacked of

To find where the purpose gone

We, you and me

Have nothing in difference

But to always remind each other

That the best among us, 

Is the one who's most noble

Having the highest level 

Of taqwa, that could be seek

In this world, while you and me,

Are given the chance to live.

And so we shall,

Watch what we craved for,

And the true purpose of,

Living in His world.

bicara malam

yang kamu bisikkan pada satu jiwa dahulu

kata yang membangkit inspirasi

menjelmakan sisi yang tiada pernah terfikir

wujud pada diri

walau teramat lama

tanpa sedar tercari

manusia terkadang mahukan nama

nama yang menjadi ingatan jiwa mereka

namun mereka terkadang jua alpa

mengukir nama dan tanpa sengaja mengukir luka

pada jiwa yang mendambakan belas dari nya

sungguh Tuhan tidak pernah meninggalkanmu

wahai jiwa yang disakiti atau dilupai

hakikat dunia yang penuh ilusi

bukan bermaksud diri rapuh tidak upaya berdiri

namun kerana ujian itu

meletakkan martabatmu tinggi

seandai engkau redha itu dugaan Ilahi

Maha Agung dan Maha Tahu

bicara malam pada aku

biarkan kegelapan membawa pergi

luka yang pernah menghiris sepi

kata yang tiada pernah dimaknai

mereka tidak mengerti

mungkin masih mencari

kebenaran yang diyakini

bicara malam padaku

biar cahaya Ilahi membasahi hati

biar kitab-Nya yang menyentuh sanubari

kerana itu bukti cinta yang hakiki

MR.SM & Me

Assalamuaalaikum fellow readers. It has been a while since my last entry. Well, a changing course in life would require a twist in our effort to adapt with it. I guess. I do apologize for the 'hybernation' of this blog, as I am currently posted to a high school, in Malaysia. Somewhere in Perak, just an hour away from home for my practicum, finishing my final year of Tesol VUW since 2010. It is actually a 12- weeks practicum with the school, but since Malaysian schools are currently having exams, trials, holidays and too many events, I guess that my practicum would actually be around 9-10 weeks left. In which I do not know what should I feel. Kidding.

Anyways, I am now in Week two of my practicum, we just had two weeks holiday for Eid. And I do admit that celebrating Eid after three years abroad, is quite awkward. Plus, most of family members were not well enough to go around and celebrate, and again I ended up spending most of the time at home. I guess it's a bless. Isn't it? 

I am just gonna share with you a bit about this school. It's a boarding school, nicely located between the Royal city of Perak and on the same route heading to Grik. If you often travel to Kelantan via Perak highway, I guess you could guess the place. It's quite a small school for its kind, but there is something about the school that begin to make my heart melt. We, humans, most of the time are fascinated by the physical looks of a thing, and often make a very 'quick' judgement based on the outside, forgetting the real values that might be hidden inside. For me, this school is nothing fancy on the outside, but once you stepped into the atmosphere, the staffs, the students and the teachers (in this case colleagues) are all welcoming, friendly and warm. A beautiful attitude, full with respect and sincerity. They are all working like a community, supporting and helping each other. And there is not a single moment I felt that any person in this school is isolated in any ways. Everyone is caring towards each other and this is proven by the atmosphere in the staff room. Amazing!

Although I do heard from some of my friends posted in other schools, they struggled to know each other and hardly had time to be friend with many teachers. I am thankful for this great opportunity to be posted here, to learn so much, not just education, but attitude, in a caring community. There is not a single moment any teachers here fail to return a smile every time I meet them, and even if I am not that close to many of the teachers, but I could tell, that they are, the people you would love to be around with. As a Malaysian, you have probably heard about the saying of the people who lives at the same village are like families,  which means they always care and look after each other in harmony. *feels so patriotic*

alright, I guess I do not want to bore you guys with the teaching stories too much and this is like a very simple intro about my life currently. If you are keen to read more about my practicum experience, you are most welcome to visit my personal website of teaching at this link; 

English Incarnation

I''d leave you with that, I'd have to go now, mentor is calling. Till then, embrace your believe, and translate it into action! love much from MRSM Lenggong (:

love. don't fall.

quite recently i heard some of my classmates describing their experiences during practicum. and honestly, i think they are the honest confessions of the future educators about the system, and as a newborn baby to the career, who's just beginning to step into reality. i am afraid, actually. reality of teaching, as an educator.

some people said, you need to love your career. if you don't you'll struggle. my answer is, not necessarily. well, you know love could not be forced. it's the natural rule of life. in order to love a person, you'll need to know about a person first, don't you? so we could not expect people who are newly born to a career, to love the career just like that. they would have to fall in love with the career. yup. fall in love.

how do you know when you're falling in love? truth is you never know, you suddenly do. just out of the blue, your heart is attached to it. for some reasons we might not even know. so the question is, how do you know when you fall in love with your career, or more importantly how to make you fall in love with the career? 

i honestly a new born baby in this teaching profession. future english teacher in malaysian schools. well, boarding school to be accurate. i have not even stepping into this profession deeply enough, even my practicum is yet to start. but hey, i do not want myself to see this career or this profession as a burden, before i even begin with it. em, yeah, i do heard lots and lots of stories about this career, the struggles, the system, and everything. and to be positive in something you have not experience, is difficult. but to face the new experience, with many negative impressions about it, is even harder.

thus, i realise about one thing, i just need to have a right filter for all these descriptions or impressions about the teaching profession. a filter which could twist the negatives to positives. a filter that could change the bad to good, the difficult to a valuable challenge. to motivate instead of dissipate. 

a right filter. is our intention. the intention made within your heart. the motives, the niyyah that we have, it does seem avery basic thing, but because it IS basic, thus we need to have a strong foundation of a career that we might build for years and years. if a house is built on a weak foundation, soon enough it will collapse by itself.. if our motive is right from the beginning, inshaAllah Allah will ease everything for us. believe, and to ease our journey in that profession, did not mean that we would not face any difficult challenge in it, any negative things, but to ease us with the patience, sabrun jamil, a beautiful patience that make us positive and reflecting towards every test and challenge presented to us, in this life, including our career. in hadith one the prophet saw mentioned, 

It is narrated on the authority of Amirul Mu'minin, Abu Hafs 'Umar bin al-Khattab, radiyallahu 'anhu, who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, say:

"Actions are (judged) by motives (niyyah), so each man will have what he intended. Thus, he whose migration (hijrah) was to Allah and His Messenger, his migration is to Allah and His Messenger; but he whose migration was for some worldly thing he might gain, or for a wife he might marry, his migration is to that for which he migrated."

[Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

i know it's not easy. i dont think it is. but hopefully that with Allah's help, Allah's blessings, we would be able to face this dunya, the reality with an open heart, (redha)  inshaAllah. a career is just another tool for us to achieve the goal in akhirah. so whatever tool and blessing given from Allah, we have to use it wisely for our best effort to achieve the best in jannah, which is forever and everlasting. don't let our career be a reason for our failure to become an abid and khalifah in this world.

and of course, for myself, first and foremost to fall in love with this career, we need to take whatever it needs to be a good muslim, and thus inshaAllah, with our iman, we will be guided to love and learn the career as time goes by.

this wordly life is not meant to be easy, that's why Allah grant jannah to those who face it with islam, and true faith (iman). it is not easy to face something you hate, it only becomes easy once you fall in love with it. love the right thing. and so, love  Allah, and He will take care of you. amin, inshaAllah

salam ramadhan kareem, 

farahfareen

 

tiada yang lebih pemurah

kabur, samar dan kelabu. mungkin itu sedikit ungkapan saya tentang cuaca yang kurang baik di Malaysia sejak belakangan ini. Namun, di sebalik ujian yang Allah hadirkan buat kita ini, terlalu banyak yang boleh kita pelajari dan muhasabahkan terutamanya diri sendiri. Jujur saat ini saya diuji dengan masa lapang, sehingga saya seolah merasakan sangat 'loser' jika gagal menjadi produktif untuk mengisi hari-hari di rumah ini dengan baik. Mujur ada adik tersayang menemani kerana menghabiskan cuti study week di rumah, hadirlah beberapa peluang untuk saya berkongsi tentang kehidupan, refleksi dan mencari inspirasi. Kita, manusia, terkadang tidak dapat melepaskan diri dari cengkaman sunyi saat sendiri, dan yang lebih bahayanya adalah syaitan itu teramat suka membisik dan menggoda untuk merobekkan iman kita saat sendirian. Dan benarlah kata-kata ini, serigala hanya berani menerkam sang kambing saat ia sendirian.

namun itu bukanlah alasan untuk kita menyalahkan keadaan dan berputus asa. sudah tentu tidak. walaupun dalam keadaan tanah air yang sangat menuntut kesabaran diri untuk mengadaptasi dengan cuaca baru ini, saya cuba untuk memujuk diri menjadi positif. saat diri terkadang berusaha teramat mencari cara selesa untuk menghirup nyamannya udara yang segar, namun haba yang terkadang hangat membaluti tubuh ini, membuat saya refleksi, ah, neraka nanti lebih panas. sudah cukupkah aku berusaha menjauhkan diri darinya, sedangkan hangatnya bumi ini terkadang tiada tertahan lagi. bersyukurlah, bersyukurlah masih diberi peluang untuk berusaha menjauhkan diri dari azab-Nya di akhirat kelak. usaha, tidak sepatutnya terhenti sampai mati.

manusia itu mudah alpa. dan saat kita diuji, kita juga terkadang alpa, merasa diri seolah mampu dan terlupa akan Tuhan yang berkuasa atas segala. Tuhan itu sentiasa melihat dan memerhati tingkah laku kita, tidak pernah leka walau sesaat pun. dan manusia ini sifantya kikir, terkadang terlalu berkira-kira dalam menyumbangkan masanya untuk Tuhan, sibuk dan sibuk teramat dengan urusan dunia. tidak salah mengejar dunia, tetapi jangan biarkan ia menggenggam hati kita, hinggakan masa, tenaga dan harta yang Allah kurnia, kita terlupa akan hak untuk menyumbang kepada islam, kepada kebaikan. sedangkan Allah itu sangat pemurah, Maha Pemurah bagi semua hamba-hamba-Nya.

dunia itu seharusnya jadi ibarat bola sepak, dikejar untuk disepak ke gol (matlamat) dan bola hanya sekadar alat untuk mengejar matlamat. bola itu bukan matlamat, saat kita cuba mengejar matlamat, kita harus mematuhi undang- undang bola sepak (peraturan islam) dan berusaha dengan sepenuh hati untuk mengejar matlamat yang cemerlang di akhirat (gol). Bola (dunia) itu bukan untuk disimpan untuk jadi milik kita selamanya.

dalam surah Az- Zumar ayat 32-35; Allah berfirman "dan orang yang membawa kebenaran dan orang yang membenarkannya, mereka itulah orang yang bertakwa. Mereka memperoleh apa yang mereka kehendaki di sisi Tuhannya, demikianlah balasan bagi orang-orang yang berbuat baik, agar Allah menghapus perbuatan mereka yang paling buruk, yang pernah mereka lakukan dan memberi pahala kepada mereka dengan yang lebih baik daripada apa yang mereka kerjakan"

Betapa bertuahnya kita, jika benar menjadi hamba yang membawa kebenaran Islam dan membenarkannya, kerana Allah menjanjikan balasan yang bukan sedikit, tetapi lebih dari apa yang dapat kita bayangkan. dosa diampuni, malah pahala berganda, diberi apa saja yang diminta, dan  untuk setiap kebaikan yang dibuat dengan niat yang betul. bayangkan jika telah berbuat kesalahan yang terbesar kepada manusia, sudah tentu sukar teramat buat mereka untuk mengampuni kita, apatah lagi memberi anugerah dan hadiah yang kita ingini kemudiannya. subhanallah. Allah itu sebaik- baik pemberi, tiada apa yang dapat menandingi kurnia-Nya.

Allah memperingatkan lagi kita tentang sifat Maha Pemurah-Nya dalam ayat seterusnya surah az-zumar ayat 53, "katakanlah bahawa hamba-hamba-Ku yang melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri! Janganlah mereka berputus asa dari rahmat Allah, sesungguhnya Allah mengampuni dosa-dosa semuanya. Sungguh Allah Dialah Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang"

nah, tiada alasan lagi buat kita untuk tidak bermujahadah melawan hawa nafsu dan mencuba sehabis daya mematuhi perintah dan menjauhi larangan-Nya. sungguh, janji Allah itu benar dan pasti. syurga atau neraka itu pengakhiran abadi. pilihan dan usaha di tangan kita saat diri masih dipanjangkan usia dan dikurnia rezeki.

yakinlah, wahai diri dan semua, yakinlah. tiada yang lebih pemurah selain Dia.

home again, dearest

As salam wbt dear friends and fellow readers. By the time you are reading this, I am already back in this beloved country, warmth and where the sun loves to shine, Malaysia. I was in an 11 hours flight with a friend, waiting impatiently for the flight to end safely. Then the Malaysia Airlines crew announced that the weather and local temperature is around 27 degree celcius. Wow! such a big difference to where I came from, it was winter with below 10 degree celcius temperature and suddenly I am in this summer like weather. Honestly I was afraid of having a weather shock, because previously I was back for two times, and both times I had a long fever, due to weather shock. But yeah, alhamdulillah, I am all safe and sound at home, in  beloved hometown, Ipoh today. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.

And of course, I am trying to fit myself into this new environment, new people and new atmosphere. It is not like I am trying to deny the fact that Malaysia is changed, but the truth is within this three years and a half, we could not expect people to be the same. We are changed. Yes, we do. In our own ways. I try not to compare what some people used to be, and how they have changed now. Because personally I expect myself to be able to adapt with this challenge, to start from zero. To get to know the places I used to be, to carry all the memory and good experiences in NZ, to bring it all here and to compile it to become a much more better person, with a much better attitude and heart, inshaAllah. To start knowing everything around me now, with a much better judgement, an open mind and a humble heart. Yes, three years and a half in New Zealand, I wished for nothing less, but to be a person who is humble but firm with her own life principle according to what Allah wants me to be, to carry the abid and khalifah duty, always and always.

Another thing that made me reflect is that I could not be sad to leave NZ, neither I should be happy to be in Malaysia. Because everything is in perfect balance, the joy and the frustration should made me calm, to be able to face this neutrally. And why should I ever feel sad? Allah is everywhere, He is indeed very near to me, much more nearer than vein in our neck. No matter where I'd be after this, Allah will look after me, He knows what is best for me.  and for now, is the best time to be home again..To always remind myself, that what Allah has planned for me, is indeed better than whatever I could wish for, whatever I would dream of.

Al Baqarah : 216, is a meaningful verse talking about the destiny that sometimes we might ponder what the hidden benefits are. we, as Allah's servants knows nothing, but He's the one who knows and the all-knowing. So, in this current time, it is important to be grateful, to feel blessed to be given another chance and be someone better in your own birth place. InshaAllah.

And to appreciate those we were supporting me in NZ, and those who are here with me in Malaysia, only Allah could repay all your kindness and good deeds. May Allah bless each of you who has never stop giving up on me, always keeping me in your prayers and hopes, you are all the best gifts in my life. May Allah grant us the best return, in whichever ways He desires, may Allah grant us His blessings both in this world and in the hereafter. To all my sisters, and family in NZ, Allah is indeed with us, always and we are all still together in this path, for His blessing inshaAllah, may we meet again in Jannah. Amin ya rabb.

and I do not what to say more, but to wish and pray for all of you, may Allah bless each and everyone of us. no matter where life and destiny is taking us after this, always believe that there is a huge lesson that Allah wants us to learn from, each moment, each person, and each second. and may all these gifts and tests that Allah has given us, make us a better person each day. InshaAllah.

salam from uniquely Malaysia,

farah fareen