#pGdiary : The story of two

During my degree course, I was struck by this particular phrase, "teacher as lifelong learners". And I thought, what does this phrase actually means? Is it to get to the highest level of knowledge, for such a long time learning theories etc etc? But later I discovered the answer is not that, but because teaching is a profession where teachers are required to continuously learn, improving methods, increasing knowledge and become an inspiring teacher, who could turn the weakest students to achieve the best that they have never thought they could. And I must admit, during my degree years, It has been a great, unforgettable experience for both of us. New Zealand is indeed truly the best place my eyes have ever seen, best feelings my heart ever felt, best knowledge I ever get to learn, both for tarbiyyah and the degree itself.

June/ July 2013 : Touched down

As for me and my friend, Intan Syafinaz, our dreams are the same. To do more. Not to say that we are not satisfied with the precious experience we both had in New Zealand, but deep down in our hearts, there is something. An urgency to pursue our dreams, in learning. While we are young, fresh graduates and highly motivated to learn, [of course not yet bound to any commitment, haha]. And ultimately, our goals, [which is one of our subtopics during degrees courses] is to become the lifelong learners, both in teaching profession and also as a student. And most importantly, as future teachers, learning never stops. It never could. Because great teachers are always aiming to do their best for the students, even if it takes to revise the tiniest, simplest rules of grammar and to turn it into the most, engaging, interesting and meaningful learning for our learners, our students. The journey to apply the master programme began since we touched down in Malaysia back in June/ July.

September / October : Practicum

Intan and me fall in love with New Zealand so much, that we decide to pursue our dreams of taking master there, the same university we both entered for four years. Having gone through all those processes, applications and waiting, we finally got the offer to pursue in master of education in victoria while doing our practicum together in Lenggong. However, after discussion with the sponsor, our wish was delayed. It is not possible to go back to vuw, as the master's course are complicated, making it difficult for the sponsor to certify the qualifications later on. Intan and me, were still hoping, somehow, someday, we might get another chance. Because our hopes did not end there.

December : The Graduation and hope continues...

When I came back to NZ for graduation in Dec, I was quite reluctant to leave again. Knowing that my dream to come back for master the next yearin vuw, is impossible. I left with the heaviest heart, hoping that I would get to see Wellington again in a few years time. I continued my holiday journey in Melbourne for a while and then decide, this is the place, this is where I wanna dream of pursuing my master. One day, maybe not this year and next year, maybe not yet, but someday. I would be a student here, I told myself. InshaAllah.

During end of Dec, Intan and me went to Mara, surprisingly knowing that it is still not too late to pursue our dreams! Somehow the door was opened again, for another application in other university. I was terribly excited, that I slept at 2 or 3 am finishing my applications after christmas day, for almost seven different universities in Australia, as time is tight. Really tight. To enter the first semester of the year, Intan and me knows very well, the chances are so slim. While Intan faced many ups and downs during this time too, but she managed to apply a few universities. And then began more and more waiting moments. Wondering, waiting and thinking, when is that email of [offer letter] going to reveal itself to us. 

January 2014 : The Offer Comes!

I did not remember exactly the date, but somehow in Mid January, an email came through. Which was an offer, I jumped with joy, feeling grateful thinking that this might be the chance. To simplify, the sponsor was notified and we both wait, again, this time for sponsor approval. I have to say that during these moments of waiting, Intan and me, keep comforting each other in every way we could, although we both know, and truly aware of the stress we both faced during that time. Emailing universities, sponsor, back and forth. Seems like an endless work. Hard work.

February 2014 : The Destined Destination

This is the busiest month of all. Countless trips to many government offices, documents, procedures, emailis, letters and more than I could ever imagined. Medical check ups, [wont mention the cost]. To be honest, it was exciting but at the same time, a very huge challenge to face. It is like everything is beyond our control. I learned a lot, I learned to keep positive and calm, finding every ounce of patience that I could find, maybe from someone's advice, encouraging words, a call from a friend, soothing words from parents, and also the help from the family, in which I truly truly appreciate what they have done for me. It is a huge test, but we are given, truly wonderful people during this time, and for that, I am truly grateful for what Allah has lined up for me. And I keep repeating, reminding and telling myself, with each difiiculty, there comes an ease. Verses from As-Syarh 5 & 6. 

Just in time when February 2014 is bidding farewell to this particular chapter of my life stories, Intan and me received the big news! She is flying to Canberra, while I am in Melbourne, and with everything is literally 'confirmed and finalised', and suddenly we both felt that those huge burdens carried for such a long time, were lifted at once. And as for me, Mlebourne was indeed the place I am destined to be, to pursue my dream of learning, and becoming a lifelong learner. Although Intan and me are separated by few hundreds miles (eight hours drive), but we have never been that far from each other, because we have the same dream. Together.

Do pray for our sucess and safe return to Malaysia soon. A milllllllion thanks to our families, friends, sponsor, and everyone involved during this meaningful journey. May Allah bless each and everyone of us. Amin :) 

Best regards from Intan Syafinaz and me, Farah Fareen :) 

Graduation. A life story.

Greetings readers. I guess most of you have already known, that I had officially graduated last dec, to be exact on 12/12/13. Alhamdulillah. Indeed, my journey is still a long way ahead and I am currently waiting for my sponsor's decision. InshaAllah, when everything is finalized, I would update you here. But anyway, since we are going to talk about graduation, a bit, all these moments made me wonder, what is bigger than graduation?

Yeah, when I was a kid, I imagined myself, to enter a high school, college, university bla bla. And when the time really comes, I said to myself, is this all you wanted to do? Then I decided in my second year of degree that, our life ambitions should be bigger. Bigger than just to graduate and receive a scroll. Bigger, because we are still young, full of energy, inspiration and motivation, if not most of the time. But hey, know what? As a young adult, my ambition is to change the world. And to see the changes you want, you will need to start with yourself. True, no shortcut. A leader, must be able to lead himself first.

Let's define the world that I was talking about. A world, your world, does not always mean literally the entire universe. What I meant was, to change the world that you are within, you are involved. And yes,  your family is also your world. Everyone needs someone in their life. Your world includes, your family world, your friends circle, your relatives, your colleagues, and in my case, I have to add one more, my students' world. We, interact as human beings, and along the way touched people's hearts, sharing emotions, stories, advices, and jokes. Well, think about it. Every action, every word mentioned could change someone's day, someone's perception and of course their life motivation too.

And so, dont ever feel so helpless, cause we could make the change. And I think, what the world is lacking of today is values. Values of honesty, appreciation, sincerity and faith. Believe me if we could trigger, even only a person to be honest, and sincere, those people some day might spread it to their significant others too, and it's a domino effect. Start small, to change something huge.

And the values are the most important thing we should carry throughout whatever ambitions, whichever field to contribute, we have for this world and hereafter. to carry the values, in Islam we call it, "mahmudah" values, to help us live our lives meaningfully and significantly. Believe me, only then, we are able to seek for His blessings, successfully, because the values are a test to 'graduate' successfully in hereafter inshaAllah, mardhatillah. And with that, graduation is just like a stepping stone to do something bigger in our lives, it should not stop there. The world is waiting for our contributions. 

Here are some moments to be shared with you. Alhamdulillah, all praise to Allah, Jazakallahu khairan kathira, to my parents, family, friends, sponsor, lecturers and all those who have made this journey possible. May Allah bless us all, always. Amin. 

dentingan syiling

Terkesan dan tersentuh dengan kisah anak-anak kecil ini dan datuknya; saya titipkan puisi ini buat refleksi. Terlebih lagi buat diri sendiri. Link berita penuh : http://suarainsan.net/kisah-adik-nurkhatijah-pelajar-sekolah-rendah-tak-cukup-duit-bayar-yuran-sekolah/

Syiling

Mungkin nilainya kecil untuk dipandang

Namun bagi si miskin

Itulah penyambung dan penerusan

Cucu-cucu kesayangan

Meraih gemilangnya cahaya masa depan

Kerana syiling itu

Penentuan buat penerusan didikan

Anak-anak kecil itu

Tiada mengerti dentingan syiling

Mungkin syiling-syiling terakhir milik datuknya 

Ayah dan ibu tiada lagi bersama

Tatkala si nenek membanting tulang

Mencari sesuap nasi buat keluarga yang serba kurang

Dan masih terdengar dentingan syiling

Dentingan syiling di atas meja

Saat datuk datang menatap bersama wajah hiba

Malu dan hampa dirinya, bukan lagi soalnya

Soalnya, anak kecil itu

Perlukan didikan sekolah, biarlah

Biarlah apa pandangan mereka

Walau dentingan syiling setelah dikira

Dihitung-hitung bilangannya,

Tiada cukup; belum cukup jumlahnya! 

Wajah seorang datuk yang gusar

Di saat bunyi dentingan syiling

Tiada lagi mampu dicari, sukar

Teramat sukar

Dan renungan dan rintihannya

Masih lagi didengar para warga didik

Menambah baki agar mencukupi

Wahai pemimpinku

Di manakah kamu saat dentingan syiling itu berbunyi

Dentingan syiling terakhir buat anak kecil

Yang tagihkan sedikit bantuan

Bukan buat mainan atau hiburan

Tapi buat masa depan dan didikan

Wahai pembela rakyat

Dengarkah kamu dentingan syiling

Dentingan keringat warga-wargamu yang tiada terbela

Yang bersabung nyawa mencari sesuap rezeki

Membanting tulang tiada kenal henti

Walau lelah si nenek sudah mencengkam diri

Digagahnya juga menjadi tukang cuci

Buat anak-anak kecil yang tiada dipeduli

Wahai diriku, 

Syukurilah, insafilah saat ini

Masa ini, dan kelebihan rezeki

Bukan milik kamu seorang diri

Berilah, walau sedikit

Hulurlah walau tidak berbukit

Tetapi usaha, walau teramat kecil

Memberi di saat sukar

Apatah lagi di saat suka

Akan dibalas Tuhan seadilnya

Akan dikira walau sebesar zarah cuma

Dan dentingan syiling itu

Terngiang lagi ditelingaku

Kerana itu dentingan rintihan saudaraku

Saudaramu.

Buat yang ingin membantu; berikut adalah no akaun maybank guru/ ustazah kepada anak-anak kecil ini: 

Nama : Ustazah Khadijah Binti Alang Mat Shuker

Sekolah Agama Integrasi Ar Rahmaniah Taman Dagang Taman Ampang

Pelajar : Nurkhatijah Abdullah dan Norsyafiqah Abdul Rahim

Maybank : 158024762835

No fon : 017-3078400

Ustazah tersebut dalam usaha membuka akaun khas buat anak-anak kecil ini. InshaAllah.

Jazakallahu khair.

Baru

Tahun baru. Saya yakin, mungkin terdetik sesaat di hati kita? Bagaimana pencapaian diri sendiri pada tahun yang berlalu? Berjayakah? Atau walau kurang berjaya, berjayakah pula kita belajar dan muhasabah diri tentang perkara yang kurang berjaya dalam hidup kita? 

Memang lumrah manusia, sukakan yang baru. Kasut baru, rumah baru, kerana kita sukakan perkara indah. Dan memang yang baru, hakikatnya lebih baik, lebih cantik, lebih segar dan lebih terkini. Namun saat tahun baru menjenguk ke dalam kehidupan kita, yang baru cumalah pengiraan masa, bertambah dari 2013 ke 2014. Umur kita juga baru, bertambah satu digit lagi di belakangnya. Tahun baru, tiada makna jika kita sendiri tidak memperbaharui diri kita. Maksud saya, bukan dengan harta. Tapi jiwa.

Jiwa baru, dan niat baru. Sungguh dalam meniti kehidupan sehari-hari, melakukan rutin itu dan ini, kita mungkin terbawa-bawa niat yang lama dan usang. Lantas, semangat dan kesungguhan itu makin pudar dan hilang. Niat yang terkadang usang kerana kesilapan, dosa atau mungkin juga kelemahan dan kealpaan. Memang fitrah manusia tidak sempurna. Dan imannya juga sentiasa turun dan naik. Dalam sebuah hadis disabdakan bahwa al-iimanu yazid wa laa yankus. Iman itu kadang bertambah, kadang berkurang, kadang naik, kadang turun. 

”Iman itu kadang naik kadang turun maka perbaharuilah iman kalian dengan la ilaha illallah.”

 (HR Ibn Hibban) 

Namun, jika niat dalam hati itu sentiasa cuba kita perbaharui, tanpa perlu cuma menunggu tahun baru atau hari baru, yang entah bakal hadir atau tidak, inshaAllah jiwa kita akan sentiasa segar dengan semangat baru, melakukan yang terbaik sebagai hamba Allah untuk mencari redha-Nya dalam setiap perlakuan kita.

Moga sahaja tahun yang baru membuat kita sentiasa bermuhasabah diri agar iman dipelihara, kerana hakikat hati itu mudah berbolak balik, lebih mudah ibarat isi periuk yang menggelegak. Perbaharui niat, dan tingkatkan amal kerana umur yang bertambah itu bermakna ajal menghampiri. Astaghfirullah, moga selalu diberkati-Nya, inshaAllah. 

Poems of travelog melbourne- new zealand part 1

This life is really like

In trams and trains

Moving on the rails of life

There are times when we stop

For moments or abrupt

Ups and downs 

In many different stations

Life challenges await

For the winds might be tough

In Wellington victoria

We sometimes may fall

Trying to stand tall

But to always believe

When we; could be

Either below or above

There's always clouds of hope

Brought by the wind

To those who wants to win

All the foreign coins that you have

Empty your pocket before you left

Unless you want them kept

It's like having coins of moments

Some are meant to be forgotten

Some are better treasured

Or some teaches great lesson

When we sometimes wish for the sky

People might thought it was the star

And there's no plenty of time

You gotta go on a star; not the sky

Yes; the lesson is to clarify

When your accent is not defined.

Queenstown

Though you might not be queen

Always think of yourself that you'd win

All the natures and beauty you find

Will always be the one of its kind

And there might be times

When you get lucky in life

Touching glacier on top of mountain

A miracle for us to ponder in return

That destiny precedes our desires

Having everything booked 

Did not always meant it's for you

Life is unpredictable too

For we did not write our stories

It has been written by Him

Cause we are just unfolding

Each page of our stories

Friends and families

Whenever they cross in our paths

Aren't just for us to stare

But to give love and share

Just like when we could hardly bear

Each other's absence

When there's distant moments

cuma titanic

Dalam hidup ini terkadang aku banyak impian. Itu dan ini, serba serbi. Kerana lumrah dan fitrah insan, tidak terlepas daripada kemahuan, keperluan dan mungkin jua kepuasan. Tetapi hidup ini bukanlah serba indah, ada saat yang menduga, ada saat yang meluka dan ada saat juga berduka. Dalam banyak impian yang aku cuba usahakan saat ini, aku mahukan sesuatu yang bukan mampu dibeli dengan wang, bukan juga dibeli dengan pangkat seangkatannya, tetapi keikhlasan dan keimanan.

Banyak dari kita mahu hidup yang indah belaka, walau kita cukup sedar diri kita tidak sempurna, mereka tidak sempurna bahkan tiada siapa yang sempurna, melainkan Maha Pencipta. Allah yang Maha Kuasa. Dan lantas, bagaimanakah kita boleh menyangka, hanya dengan kekuatan diri kita, kita mampu harungi semua, ketidaksempurnaan diri, dia, dan mereka.

Dan kerana itulah jua tujuan kita diciptakan. Untuk sentiasa punya keimanan. Keimanan setinggi yang dapat kita gapai agar mampu menjejak syurga dan redha-Nya kelak, inshaAllah. Dan aku, moga saja dengan keimanan diri yang terkadang compang-camping atau koyak-rabak kerana kelemahan diri, Dia sentiasa ada untuk menerima taubat dan insaf hamba-Nya. aku sebenarnya impikan hati seluas lautan, bahkan jika bisa, lebih luas dari itu. Aku tidak mahu terusik atau tercemar oleh sekadar setitis nila, pecahan kaca atau apa jua yang dilontarkan kepadaku. 

Aku tidak mahu ketidaksempurnaan dunia, merosak hati, meluka dan membarah dalam jiwa. Aku mahukan hati setenang dan seluas lautan, sedalam mungkin kesabaran. Tiada tergugat walau kapal sebesar dan segagah titanic kau hanyutkan dalam lautan hati ini. Ia tiada kesan, kerana keimanan yang memenangkan hati, tidak terusik dengan benda kecil dan kerdil. Hati seluas lautan, yang redha mengharung apa jua gelora dunia, tidak terpikat, tiada tergugat.

Sungguh iman seluas itu, dan sedalam lautan itu, mungkin masih jauh beribu batu langkahan usaha harus ditempuh, namun kerana ada impian dan harapan, aku harus teruskan langkahan, kerana Allah menjanjikan balasan kebaikan bagi mereka yang benar-benar cuba mencapai keikhlasan beriman kepada-Nya. 

Percaya. Hatimu mampu seluas lautan, walau tiada seluas iman umar al khattab atau uthman bin affan, tetapi tetaplah menjunjung dan mencontohi jejak mereka, yang syahid kerana Allah.

Pejamkan mata

Terkadang di saat sukar

Saat ini terasa dunia teramat ngeri untuk dilihat

Aku memejamkan mata, 

Sengaja, kerna buat sementara

Mahu ku larikan diri ini,

Dari konfrontasi dunia nyata

Namun di saat ku pejamkan mata

Bukanlah bererti diri ini lemah tiada maya

Dan bukanlah kerana kakunya jiwa

Cuma aku mencuba membangunkan minda

Yang terkadang lelap dalam fana

Di mana, harus ku cari kekuatan 

Menebarkan sayap semangat diri

Agar tiada mata terpejam

Terlalu lama, sehingga aku alpa

Realiti tiada mudah disangka

Diri ini

Memejamkan mata lagi

Kerana terkadang aku takut 

Hakikat jiwa manusiawi

Terkadang mereka, aku dan dia,

Tiada mampu untuk membeza

Yang mana duka, yang mana dusta

Dan terkadang mata terpejam tanpa sengaja

Kerana diri ini

Sukar teramat, menghilangkan makna

Trauma pada jiwa

Ya, aku jiwa yang mudah trauma

Dan tidak mudah lupa

Namun diri ini tetap tiada akan putus asa

Berjuang membebaskan sayap 

Dari kisah lama, yang membebani cuma

Dan 

Mata yang terkadang ku pejamkan

Bukan kerana kelemahan,

Tetapi kerana menggenggam kekuatan

Membunga harapan